


For the two of us

by Rei_Amakata



Category: Free!
Genre: Episode Related, M/M, POV First Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-29
Updated: 2017-01-29
Packaged: 2018-09-20 18:59:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,981
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9507689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rei_Amakata/pseuds/Rei_Amakata
Summary: Haru's thoughts as he finds out Rin is about to quit swimming -- this time, maybe, for good. The moment he realizes having Rin swim with them was probably their last chance, he also realizes much more than that.And attempts to confess.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first Free! fanfic and also the first I wrote in English with the intention of publishing. Although I've revised it like a hundred times, you may stumble upon grammar mistakes, so my apologies. English isn't my mother language, but I assure you I gave it my best while writing this fanfic. XD
> 
> This fanfic is set on episode 12 of Free! ISC, but it has some changes to the original dialogues in order to fit the plot better.
> 
> Needless to say, Free! belongs to its authors. If it belonged to me, there would be no Sousuke.
> 
> Enjoy! (reviews are sweet and I love them, jsyk.)

**For the two of us**

"I won't be able to swim with Rin... Ever again?"

That seemed to keep on happening and in such a frequent fashion. First, when he beat me at the freestyle race and was finally convinced he was a better swimmer than I. Then now, after shocking me with that performance on the 100m individual freestyle... He was doing it all over again.

‘I won't swim anymore!’

My body felt weak as I heard him shouting those words at his colleague from Samezuka’s swimming team. That brought back the memories from when we were kids, that day when he lost a race to me and said he was giving up on swimming.

My heart ached. I felt this heaviness on my chest and noticed my thoughts were running wild.

"We won't swim together again... Ever? Are you giving up on yourself... On us, Rin?"

His words were echoing in my head and my eyes felt kinda funny.

The same threat, over and over again.

Makoto and Nagisa's voices sounded distant as they discussed about the upcoming relay. I knew they were worried we wouldn't make it and I just couldn't do anything to reassure them. Was there any reason for me to join that, now? Rin wasn't swimming on the relay. He wasn't going to swim... Ever again. That thought alone stole all my strength and willpower. I couldn't stand up. I couldn't say a word, for my words would probably be ‘I won’t swim either.’

Why are you doing this, Rin?

Rei started to speak and his voice sounded distant too. Then I heard him say he had met with Rin the night before. Was that true?

He mentioned that Rin hadn't given up on swimming because he lost to me when we were kids. Had I been blaming myself when there was no need to? He said that our friends and I... We were the reason Rin had wanted to go back to swimming. Could that be possible? Was Rei making all that up only to convince me I should go on and join them on the relay?

Would Rin ever open up to someone he barely knew? It was hard to believe he would have shared his feelings with Rei, somebody he might see as a rival.

‘It wasn't for the competition itself’, Rei was saying. ‘He just wanted another chance to swim with all of you again. He wanted to swim with the best teammates a swimmer could have.’

My legs seemed to have regained their strength. I stood up, though I still felt like I could lose balance.

‘How do you know that, Rei?’

How come Rei was able to understand Rin's feelings when I still couldn't get them completely myself?

‘Because I feel the same way. I really want to join you guys in a relay. I want to swim with the best team a person could be part of.’

He somehow sounded like Rin would. My heart was beating fast. Rin wanted to swim with us, right? That was why being out of Samezuka's relay team for that competition was so devastating to him.

‘I know you feel the same way, Haruka-senpai’, Rei was telling me. ‘You've also got someone you want to swim with.’

Those words struck me hard. Rin was all I could think about.

‘I want to swim with Rin’, I whispered.

And though that was what I said, inside of me something else was forming. It wasn't just about swimming together.

It was way beyond that.

Rei was then saying that that may be the last chance, that Rin could really quit swimming if he didn't join that competition. But what could we possibly do? Rei seemed to suggest that Rin joined our relay team as his substitute. Was I getting it right? Or was that something I wanted him to suggest just so that there was a way I could have it... I could finally swim with Rin again as friends.

I knew I had to consider Rei's feelings as well. For him, Rin was just a guy who used to be friends with his friends and happened to be Gou's brother. Rin meant a lot to Nagisa, Makoto and I, but Rei had no reason to feel that way towards him.

Still, he really seemed to be willing to switch places with Rin.

‘Rei, are you sure about this...?’, I asked and felt like I'd failed a heartbeat. I wanted him to say it was okay. That was really, probably, our last chance.

He adjusted his glasses, looking confident. Hey, enough with that suspense, Rei!

‘Of course I am!’, was his answer.

Rin, that's it. We're swimming together again, both me and you. And our friends!

* * *

 

Finding him would be a challenge, as it turned out. The minutes were running and we didn't have much time before the relay. We had to find Rin in time to present ourselves at the pool.

As we split to try and search for him faster, I prayed I'd be the one to find him. I needed to tell Rin that I finally understood it. That he really had shown me something back when we were kids but it had taken me a long while to figure it out. That I got it. That swimming with your friends was really special. Moreover... That swimming with him meant a lot to me. I wanted him to know that he had shown me more than just how fun it could be being part of a relay. I wanted to tell him that his passion for swimming... His love for the team... They had made me fall in love with him long ago.

This is it, Rin. I guess I've been in love with you all along.

I needed him to know that.

The clock's tic tac sounded frantic. Would we make it? Where were you, Rin?

Then it hit me. That tree. Could it be...? I just had to give it a try.

I was right. There he was. And he looked as upset as he did that very first time when he told me he would quit swimming.

I don't want you to be sad, Rin. I don't want you to give up. I want to see your smile. I want to see you smile as you used to when we first met.

Whatever it takes.

* * *

 

He noticed me as I breathed hard, trying to catch some air after running. The upset look was replaced by shock which was followed by anger.

‘Haru! Why are you here? You came to laugh at me for my awful performance?’, he blurted out.

No, I hadn’t. I couldn't ever do that.

‘Go ahead. Everyone's laughing at me. Just join them! I don't need your pity. Of course I'm just not good enough! There was no way I could make it to the relay team after all... I'm not even fit to fucking race you guys!’

I was speechless. Rin sounded so painfully frustrated. What could I do to make his suffering go away?

‘Calm down, Rin’, I tried bringing him back to reason.

‘Shut up! How can I expect you to walk on my shoes?! You just don't get it!!’

‘I do. I understand it now, Rin!’

‘Shut up! Don't fuck with me!’, rage spilled from his mouth and glimmered in his eyes.

‘Rin, listen up. I get it. I finally understood how you feel. I know how amazing it feels to swim with your friends. Also...’, I tried looking into his eyes, in vain.

‘Stop it! I told you to laugh at me, didn't I? Go ahead and do it! Don't pretend you understand a thing!’

‘But I really do! You're the one who taught me... You showed me how special it is. I've found the answer, Rin’.

I got closer to him, and I felt like my heart would burn.

‘Now I know who I swim for... I...’

‘I said shut the fuck up!’, he yelled.

He was moving towards me, fast, as if driven by anger.

‘Rin, hear me out!’, I shouted back. ‘You're the reason I...’

‘Cut it out!’

He threw himself at me and knocked me down. As I tried to protect both of us from a real fight, we rolled on the ground. What could I do to calm him down? How could I tell him everything I felt when he was that upset?

Rin, I need you to know that...

I knew I wouldn't escape from his punch. He was on top of me and as I looked into his raged eyes, I thought "so be it". If only that would make him chill.

However, something made him stop. As he looked away from me, I tried to follow his gaze. What had caught his attention? His expression had softened.

Oh, the tree. And maybe...

‘That tree resembles the cherry tree from our elementary school garden, right? That's why you came here, isn't it?’, I asked.

Next thing I know, he's breaking down. Tears all over his face, Rin is wetting my own with those drops that fall like a waterfall from his eyes.

Please, don't cry, Rin.

‘Why can't it be free?’, he asks while bursting into tears.

My heart was thudding. I myself had felt stuck, tied for a long time. Believing I was the reason Rin considered giving up on his dream had kept me from moving forward. He also felt like he just couldn't move on. We were so alike... And so different in many ways. Still, I have always felt like there was something bounding us. And whatever that was, it made us feel painfully chained at times, as if watered hands were pulling us down a dark river.

I just don't want any of us to feel that way anymore. Truthfully.

‘I really want to be part of a relay with you guys again’, Rin was still weeping as he said that. ‘But it's too late now.’

No!

That was our chance, actually. And it could be our fresh start. His words reminded me of what I was there for.

But how does a confession work anyway? It should go without me saying it. He should be able to know it, somehow.

As I tried to gather my thoughts, I realized that Rin was still sitting on top of me. That was okay. Then I tried leaning forward a little. I was supposed to look right into his eyes, right? Or something like that.

Rin, I want you to know that it's not too late. Also, that I...

Was there any need for me to actually say it? If only he'd read my feelings through my eyes.

Yet… It took spoken words to reach him.

‘It's not too late. Let's go, Rin!’, I managed to say.

He was calmer now and a little surprised. That was the appropriate moment to tell him how I really felt. Just do it, Haruka!

‘Uh, Rin... There is something I want to tell you first, though.’

‘There they are!’, I heard Makoto's voice.

As Makoto, Nagisa and Rei approached us, Rin quickly stood up. He looked both moved and surprised as Rei pretended he was annoyed by letting Rin take his place in the relay. I could tell that that Rin I had been longing for was finally back.

That was our chance.

‘Let's go, Rin!’, I said, reaching out to him. ‘It's my turn to show you a sight you've never seen.’

It's my turn to make you fall in love with me.

As he turned around and stared at me, I felt my heartbeat faster than it would be after a race. I held out my hand and wished he knew.

Eventually, I could even tell him.

That was our chance.

That was the very chance... For the two of us.


End file.
